myboyfriendreadsharrypotter

"I mean, how about ‘The Molesters Map.’ They use the map to navigate the dark castle and..."

Sat, 24 Mar 2012 14:52:55 -0400

“I mean, how about ‘The Molesters Map.’ They use the map to navigate the dark castle and find women to molest. Instead of ‘Mischief Managed’ they could say ‘Molestation Managed.’ It could be for those women who have rape fantasies. There’s a market for that, isn’t there?”

- Boyfriend on wizard porn.

"I think the porn industry really missed out when it came to Harry-Potter-themed pornos. I mean,..."

Fri, 23 Mar 2012 23:07:54 -0400

“I think the porn industry really missed out when it came to Harry-Potter-themed pornos. I mean, other than Harry Twatter. But was that the best they could do? There are so many options.”

Boyfriend: Little known fact: the early success of the beatles with such love-inspired songs as, "All you need is love" can be attributed to Dumbledore magic attempt to subconsciously give Harry the tools to beat Voldemort.

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 10:30:06 -0400

Boyfriend: Little known fact: the early success of the beatles with such love-inspired songs as, "All you need is love" can be attributed to Dumbledore magic attempt to subconsciously give Harry the tools to beat Voldemort.

Boyfriend: Unfortunately for Dumbledore, like so many of his generation, Harry was primarily listening to the Spice Girls, Chumbuwumba, and Smash Mouth before the Battle of Hogwarts

Boyfriend: That's a pottermore fact I hear

"I bet the bible was just an extravagant way to cover up the powerful wizard Yahweh and his son..."

Mon, 19 Sep 2011 10:31:05 -0400

“I bet the bible was just an extravagant way to cover up the powerful wizard Yahweh and his son Jesus.”

- Boyfriend

"If the centaurs raped umbridge as is implied in the movies would she just have a satyr?"

Sun, 18 Sep 2011 10:40:06 -0400

“If the centaurs raped umbridge as is implied in the movies would she just have a satyr?”

- Boyfriend

"If I were Snape I’d get a painting of the Mauraders made just so I could poop and jizz all..."

Sat, 17 Sep 2011 10:36:05 -0400

“If I were Snape I’d get a painting of the Mauraders made just so I could poop and jizz all over them.”

- Boyfriend

"The first magic-talking-paintings must have been indistinguishable from one another…assuming..."

Fri, 16 Sep 2011 10:31:05 -0400

“The first magic-talking-paintings must have been indistinguishable from one another…assuming magic painting started with cavemen stick figures”

"Going back to the zoo Nagini, why did it speak Spanish if it was from Brazil? It should have spoken..."

Thu, 15 Sep 2011 10:32:06 -0400

“Going back to the zoo Nagini, why did it speak Spanish if it was from Brazil? It should have spoken Portuguese.”

- Boyfriend

"How the hell did Nagini live so long? They have a 30 year lifespan. I bet Voldemort went through..."

Wed, 14 Sep 2011 10:31:05 -0400

“How the hell did Nagini live so long? They have a 30 year lifespan. I bet Voldemort went through like 3-4 Naginis in his lifetime - sorta like how when people get a new cat they name it like Wicket 2.”

- Boyfriend, who has a cat name Wicket.

"What the hell did Nagini do when Voldemort was dead-ish? Maybe she took Spanish lessons and lived in..."

Wed, 14 Sep 2011 00:34:00 -0400

“What the hell did Nagini do when Voldemort was dead-ish? Maybe she took Spanish lessons and lived in a zoo until Harry freed her, like an idiot.”

- Boyfriend on how big fucking snakes survive.

Boyfriend: When Harry, Hermione and Ron were traipsing about the woods for what seemed like half a decade why didn't they just stay high on that potion that makes you happy?

Sat, 10 Sep 2011 10:30:05 -0400

Boyfriend: When Harry, Hermione and Ron were traipsing about the woods for what seemed like half a decade why didn't they just stay high on that potion that makes you happy?

Me: Um.. they needed to focus?

Boyfriend: Bullshit. Just give it to the person wearing the locket so they don't try to kill themselves.

Boyfriend: Plus if it's too hard to make, they could have just used the potion that makes you not care about your feelings anymore: alcohol.

Boyfriend: And as far as needing to focus with that...well I've known some drunks that weren't necessarily focused, but they certainly didn't get all angry and abusive.

"Why didn’t Voldemort use boggarts as a weapon? Seems like it would be one hack ass weapon...."

Fri, 09 Sep 2011 10:32:06 -0400

“Why didn’t Voldemort use boggarts as a weapon? Seems like it would be one hack ass weapon. Just get a bunch of them in crates and into a wizard plane and drop them over Hogwarts like bombs. Everyone would be shitting their pants. He wouldn’t have to do a thing.”

- Boyfriend on Boggarts

"Do you think he could instantly see those things in the magic eye books because he has a magic eye?..."

Thu, 08 Sep 2011 10:31:06 -0400

“Do you think he could instantly see those things in the magic eye books because he has a magic eye? Like he could just flip through that shit without even having to bring it up in front of his face.”

- Boyfriend on Mad Eye Moody

"Wait, so having more than one wand makes your spells more powerful? Why the fuck don’t they..."

Wed, 07 Sep 2011 10:31:05 -0400

“Wait, so having more than one wand makes your spells more powerful? Why the fuck don’t they carry around a fist full of wands? That’s what I’d do. I’d be tying them to my wrist and shit.”

"The perfect disguise for Voldemort would have been a pair of those glasses with a mustache and fake..."

Tue, 06 Sep 2011 10:30:06 -0400

“The perfect disguise for Voldemort would have been a pair of those glasses with a mustache and fake nose. Everyone knows he didn’t have a nose.”

Boyfriend: How do boggarts reproduce?

Mon, 05 Sep 2011 10:31:06 -0400

Boyfriend: How do boggarts reproduce?
Boyfriend: One's worst fear would have to be getting raped and pregnant, the other's worst fear would have to be raping someone.
Boyfriend: And then what if your worst fear is losing the baby when it's inside you?

"Why didn’t Voldemort get a magic nose? Mad Eye had a magic eye. He’d be able to smell..."

Sun, 04 Sep 2011 10:32:05 -0400

“Why didn’t Voldemort get a magic nose? Mad Eye had a magic eye. He’d be able to smell pizza from like 30 miles away.”

"Do they ever say what Neville’s patronus is? No? Well I say it’s a mongoose. He kills..."

Sat, 03 Sep 2011 10:30:05 -0400

“Do they ever say what Neville’s patronus is? No? Well I say it’s a mongoose. He kills Naigini right? Boom. Literary genuis.”

Boyfriend: Poor Voldemort. He just wants to clean shit up and he gets fucked over at every turn.

Fri, 02 Sep 2011 10:30:06 -0400

Boyfriend: Poor Voldemort. He just wants to clean shit up and he gets fucked over at every turn.
Me: Well he wants to exterminate muggles.
Boyfriend: Clearly they're not very nice or he wouldn't be an orphan.
Boyfriend: Besides, he'd keep a few of them around as slaves. You couldn't have wizards doing everything. That would be insane.

"How do boggarts know what your worst fear is? I mean, do they have a failure rate? Could you fool..."

Thu, 01 Sep 2011 10:31:05 -0400

“How do boggarts know what your worst fear is? I mean, do they have a failure rate? Could you fool them and think “Oh my worst fear is getting blowjobs all day long” and then if you kept your heart rate up you could just keep fooling them and keep them as a sex slave.”